best day ever...

well, today we celebrated Easter. and i have to say that today was one of the best days i have had in a long time. ciara and christian were so excited to see the baskets that the "Easter Bunny" brought them. then i took them to Sunday school which is always a blessing. after the service was over, they had an egg hunt outside. the kids had a blast. christian even won another basket from the church. when we got home we colored our eggs and then i made our traditional Easter pizza. i know you're thinking pizza??? well, when i was about 16, right before my mom and dad divorced, mom, me, and amy moved into this rinky dink little apartment (that we just absolutely loved by the way) we moved right before spring break so for our first Easter on our own, we couldn't afford the traditional ham and what not so my mom made us pizza. i have kept the tradition on because i feel it proves that you don't need a big dinner to bring family together...a pizza will do the trick. that is one of the few times that i remember my mom being actually happy. so anyways, after our picnic outside, we played and got real dirty. after adam got home, he let me take a nap while he watched the kids. then we went to the evening service and i have got to say was a blessing also. me and ciara colored with her new markers once we got home and it was just so fun. i can't describe the feeling that you get when you actually have one of those bonding moments with your children. tonight was definitely one of them. so now if i could just get sleepy i would be doing great. but you know what, after the perfect day i have had, i really don't think i could ask for more!!!!!

i have the most amazing man...

i must be the most blessed woman ever. my husband is the greatest in the whole wide world. we got to go out on a date last night (which are far and few between since of my 2 beautiful children), and i had the most incredible time. from going out to dinner and then seeing a movie and then getting ice cream which is my weakness, everything was just so great. he planned ahead and wrote me a love letter which he very slyly gave me at the restaurant telling me that he had planned a very romantic evening for me. he told me to look under my pillow when we got home. let's just say that he thought this out which is probably more special to me than the actual evening. it just shows that he loves me and tries every time to make our evenings together special. a year ago, i would have said that we were more like friends just living together instead of husband and wife. i have to say that things were pretty bad. i didn't care whether i even saw him much less spent the evening with him. he also felt the same. he has told me now that he had mentioned to his mom that he didn't know whether or not he could stick with me. i feel so bad that i made him that miserable. but i was pretty miserable myself. i just recently found journals that i had written years ago. i was just screaming out for help but noone listened. i am just so grateful to my bestest friend michele for helping me through and letting me know that there was nothing to be afraid of telling the doctor how i was feeling. i really feel that if it wasn't for her that my marriage may have been nonexistent now. i owe her so much! thank you michele for being there for me and being such an awesome friend!!!!

it's 4 am and i'm still awake...

once again i am awake bright and early in the morning. actually i haven't been to sleep yet. i have no clue why i can't sleep but i guess eventually it will come. now i am having one of those days where i am feeling sorry for myself i guess. i just hurt so bad and i feel so bad about myself. i feel like i am 50 and should be crippled up in a wheelchair and i feel like i weigh 200 pounds. i don't know...i just don't like myself today for some reason. you would think it would have been last week when i was pmsing but nope. it's almost like everything i have done recently just hasn't been good enough. for instance, like making out the schedule. i did the best i could but was informed that i was going sink. i can't help it that everyone needs a particular day off. i try to do everything the best of my ability but sometimes i seem to fall short of certain standards. yeah i know, i am just having a pity party but it is 4 am and i am still awake after not going to sleep yesterday until 5 am and i am entitled to it. i am just so tired and wore out, i just don't know when all of the chaos will end...