i just don't get it....

i really just don't get how people can say they are your friends but when you try to help them or do something for them they just push you away. maybe it is just me. i don't think i am too pushy. what is wrong with wanting to do something nice for a friend's birthday? i didn't think it was a crime. at least they can do is answer the phone and let me wish them a happy birthday. because i am sure down the road it will be mentioned that "noone" did anything for me on my birthday and i am going to have to get ticked off. don't get me wrong i love this girl to death and i am just pmsing but i just don't understand. i feel like they are just trying to push me away and i want to know why. maybe i wasn't there when i needed to be or i wasn't there enough but they of all people know i did the best i could to help and try to do everything i could to make things easier on them. i thought that's what friends were for....

Good news....

well i finally got some results today on my mri. nothing showed up on my head but they did find 1 bulging disc and 1 protruding disc in my back. they want me to see a neurosurgeon. i kind of figured that was going to happen. but it doesn't explain why i get so lightheaded and feel like my head is going to explode. i'm not giving up just yet. but it is so frustrating not to know and the fact that i may never know. when i tell doctors, they just look at me like i am either stupid or they don't have a clue what i am talking about. someone out there has to have the same problem as i do. hopefully one day i will find them...

hope there is nothing wrong...

well here it is. i have been to a few different doctors and so far none of them can figure out what is wrong with me. this is so scary. most think that because i am so young that there is nothing wrong. well i wouldn't be there if i didn't think something was going on. i recently has a mri on my brain and back and have not yet heard the results. it is so weird. in a way you hope they don't find anything because most likely that is bad, but on the other hand if they don't find anything then you are back at square one. in pain and dizzy with no reasons. i try not to let it bother me but sometimes it is so hard. i try to hold it together for my family. i don't want to let them know how worried this really makes me. you don't understand..i never sleep, i am in constant pain, and i lose my vision and feel like my head is going to explode for seconds at a time for no apparent reason. i am just scared that something may be seriously wrong. i try to stay positive but it is so hard when here i am at 2 am writing this blog b/c i can't sleep because i am hurting so bad. i just don't get it. hopefully i will find out something soon....

Hopefully I can say what I want without people getting upset...

well thanks to my best friend Michele I have found this site and hopefully on here I can say what I want without offending someone. I have a myspace and one day decided I had to vent about work. I didn't even mention where I worked but yet I got in trouble because I am not supposed to talk about the place outside of there. Now give me a break. If you don't talk about what upsets you it will just eat from the inside out. Trust me I know. My husband and I had a few rough years and honestly because of something stupid happenning on Myspace brought us back together. None of it would have even happenned if we just would have talked to each other. But after having kids, full times jobs, and no time for each other we just grew apart. But now that is all in the past. We have a better relationship now than ever before. Everyday he tells me how much he loves me and that he wishes he could do everything for me. And I know he knows that I feel the same. But anyways, just wanted to get started with this and hope that it helps relieve some stress that my cute hubby can't take care of. (bowchikabowwow)!!!!!