was going through the motions...

so about a week ago, i went through somewhat of a nervous breakdown. it is no secret that i suffer from depression. i was just in such a place where i thought no one else could possibly understand what i was going through. i made a post and published it on facebook and i received so many comments from some of my friends that were of course going through the same trials and troubles. i was actually shocked at who commented...it wasn't who i thought would. but i guess that is how life is, you really never know what you are going to get. after some serious conversations with a woman that i respect deeply, i have come to the conclusion that it is only between me and God of how my life is. if i don't like how things are going, then change them. at one point in time, i would have thought that was easier said than done. now after of almost of a week without taking medication, i feel like i can truly FEEL what is going on. i feel ALIVE! i can laugh and truly feel happy. of course we are going to have those days when things just aren't going your way, but at this moment in time i actually think that i can make it though it. i don't know what finally did it to make things finally click. i really believe that you almost have to hit rock bottom before you can crawl your way back up. you have to really want it. and i have now accepted that i want this. i want to be happy. i want to enjoy my babies and my husband. i don't want them to have to walk on eggshells around me...just hoping that i am not having a bad day. i actually feel like i am smiling inside. not one of those smiles that make your cheeks hurt, but i am working on it. and for the first time in a long time, i really believe that i am going to make it. thank you to everyone who has been there for me whether it was just a hug or a text message. you all have helped me through...